I can & I will.

This past week I realized something. Well, a few things, actually...

but they can all be schmooshed together into

.one.

.big.

.thing.

and that thing is...

I have POTENTIAL.

We all do.

~~~

In the words of Hannah Montana, "It's easy to feel like you're all alone, to feel like nobody knows. The great that you are, the good that's inside you, is trying so hard to break through. Maybe it's your time to lift off and fly. You won't know if you never try. I will be there with you all of the way; you'll be fine. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong enough. Don't give up! There's nothing wrong with just being yourself; that's more than enough! So come on and raise your voice. Speak your mind and make some noise." I love how this song states that you can do anything; you just need to try. Everyone has potential.

This past week I came to realize that I am a "jack of all trades, master of none." I play the piano and cello, sing, swim, play water polo, play percussion, and more... but nothing am I incredible at. Sometimes I look back and think where I would be in my life if I had just chosen to develop one or two of these talents instead of trying to do them all. People always say there is no way at this point that I can become great at one of these; it's too late. But it's not. Like I have already said... I have potential. My piano teacher says so, my voice teacher says so, my cello teacher says so, even my swimming coach. What brought on this post on potential was that last Friday I had one on one swim practice with my coach. I worked on butterfly the whole time. Coach said that because I am built to butterfly and have such good form I could possibly make State next year in butterfly if I get enough pool time in for practice. Me, chubby little Elizabeth who has been swimming for seven whole years but continually gets beaten by rookies at the sport, get a State time? Never! Especially not in butterfly, the most difficult/tiring/drudgerious (---by the way, drudgerious is a word I made up a few years ago for an Honors English application; it'a pretty much just an adjective form of the noun drudgery) stroke! But no, not "never." It's obviously possible if my coach says it is. I just need to believe and practice. And that is the same with everyone and everything, It kinda goes with the whole "faith without works is dead" bit, but with faith anything is possible if you put forth effort for it to be so.

Practice+Belief=Anything you want to accomplish.

Many people think that saying "I can" is a great way to motivate yourself; I disagree. Saying "I can" just states a fact. "I can do my homework." "I can go on a diet." "I can get to bed early." Yeah, so what? I already knew that stuff. Why does printing it out make any difference? I already knew it was true. I find that when you change "can" to "will" the fact becomes a goal. A goal that will hopefully be accomplished.

I will get at least a high B in my Calculus class.**

I will strive my hardest to become valedictorian.**

I will exercise regularly (even when swim season is over).**

I will finish all my homework on time.**

I will be kind to everyone I come in contact with.**

Make State in the 100 Fly senior year.**

Now those are goals. Goals that I hope to achieve. Goals that I know I can achieve.

Will the real Elizabeth Ashby please stand up?

Who am I?

I thought I knew the answer to this question... but I'm not so sure anymore. I've been going through this phase, and it's like I don't know who I really am. As soon as I think I know I start to question myself. I find myself changing constantly, and if I'm always changing how am I supposed to know what and who I am 'supposed' to be? Is that even possible? To be someone continually? Because it seems to me that everyone has an identity, but it is always changing even the slightest bit that if you describe yourself one day the description could be unreliable the next. Does anyone really know for themselves exactly who they are? They can know little bits and pieces that never change: your name, who your parents are, where you're from. But those can be answered by their own questions. The question "Who are you?" begs a unique, individual answer that is hard to discover.

~~~

Who am I?

"You ask me the question who am I?
Well I guess I should start with my name.
But my name is in essence just a series of letters,
Surely that won’t be met with acclaim.

So what does my name represent?
What is it that makes up my being?
When I live each moment of this life I am given,
What is it that people are seeing?

I guess firstly they see my outside:
My height, my size, my hairstyle,
The colour of my eyes and the tone of my skin,
And the whiteness of my smile.

But soon after that initial impression,
My soul will start to shine through.
The things I do and the words I speak
Will start to define that ‘who’.

So the real question is what’s in my soul,
What are the parameters of ‘me’?
And can who I am be labelled that way,
Or is it supposed to be free?

Free from description and definition and such,
Free from analytical ID.
Free to pursue my goals and my dreams
Without needing to ask, ‘Is that me?’

Or is that an excuse? To hide away,
And to pretend we don’t need to ask?
Is discovering ourselves and who we are
Really our greatest task?

The truth is I know I can be labelled
Christian, analytical, deep.
I know I’m that stuff, but is that enough?
Because it actually all just feels cheap.

I guess what the question really asks,
Is if I am doing alright.
Am I the good Christian girl I ought to be?
Am I doing enough with this life?

I know we’re all made different,
I know we are each unique
But there are still expectations that have to be met,
And I don’t want to be seen to be weak.

I want to be significant
To have my own part to play
To know that I am worthy of doing my bit
To be recognized and to have my say.
Yet all this is rubbish really
Because its once again focussed on self.
Not that it doesn’t matter to God,
But our significance should not be our wealth.

If we choose to be Gods' people,
Not striving to be a ‘star’.
‘Who am I’ is replaced with loving God more,
Trusting Him to shape who we are."

~~~

As in this poem (which I can take no credit for writing, by the way), I am constantly wondering who I am. Am I doing everything right? Is this the way I am supposed to turn out? I don't know, but I would like to. Unfortunately, that isn't possible.

~~~

Who Am I?

Eagar, excited
for the new year
with my new book-bag and pencils
notebooks and shoes

But this time
it’s different, you see
this is not elementary school
anymore

more and more teasing
crueler and crueler

more and more pressure
crushing me

more expectations
lurking in the shadows

more people waiting
to laugh when I fall

everything changes so quickly
so fast
until I wonder
Who am i?

I want to fit in
I want to have friends
I want acceptance
I want more than I have

Anything, anything
to gain what I desire
If everyone approves it
I will surrender

Heavy black liner, shadow, and gloss
a hard, fake mask of makeup
smeared onto my face?
I will do it, I will

Tiny tiny skirts and low cut tops?
I will buy them, and I will wear them

Lie to my parents and yell at my brother?
Yes, alright.
I promise I will

Go up to boys
And let their eyes and hands
Wander?
I will let them
I will, I will

Because I don’t matter
It’s everyone else that does
Yet all this doesn’t help
I am still alone
All by myself

I gave everything up, and still it’s not enough
I thought I would be happy
But I was wrong

I am still wondering
Who am i?

A new day begins
I want to be free
to fly up, up high
Not to stay grounded
with everyone else

I wash my face
I change my clothes
I apologize to my family
And rediscover my dignity

No more following
and no more pandering

Who am i?
Well, I know now

The truth is
I am me.

~~~

Sometimes I feel like the girl in this poem (another poem which I did not write). One thing I want more than anything else in the world is to fit in. I won't go as far as to compromise my standards for this, however. I want to fit in and be liked for who am I, not someone who I'm not. The problem with this is that if I don't even know for myself who I am, how are others going to know? And why would they accept someone who they can't categorize? It's a mad world, and this last question can be very difficult to answer, though it shouldn't be. I want to know who I am. I know I'm Elizabeth. I know I'm a daughter of God. I know I love music. But what else? That's doesn't seem very specific. I want to know more of who I am. But who can I do that? How?

Fun Flirts and Poodle Skirts

Boys, boys, boys. Why are they so fantastic some of the time, and then awful others? it doesn't make sense. But no matter what, they are always so fun to flirt with. :D Is there really any harm in flirting? ...I honestly don't know. I don't think I am 'leading anyone on' because I don't think any guys really like me enough to be led on. So for me, flirting=fun. No consequences. :D ...Well, mostly. It may cause me to like a guy more than I should, especially when he has a girlfriend. But! We'll not get into that subject and it's relevance to my life right now, shall we?

I ♥ JIVE! We had our concert tonight, and, although it was somewhat lacking in the singing department to begin with, it was so much fun! This is what I love. I am so glad I am in JIVE. I love to perform. This is my life. We did Grease. And these pictures show my costume! (I ended up in a different poodle skirt, though: a longer one. And I made these shoes myself using bleach and sharpie on an old pair of my mom's Kegs. :) Sometimes I feel like I am an undiscovered creative genius!

According to a few different people, I was the most exciting person on stage. :D That makes me happy because this has always been my dream. Also, Chamber Singers was apparently incredible. I guess we sounded gorgeous. :) I love to sing. ♥ After the concert we went to Arctic Circle. It was so fun. We sang and talked and annoyed the other costumers. Oh, I am so excited for the rest of this school year. (Especially JIVE week.)

Well, I should probably be working on my Calculus homework right now. I have my second exam on Wednesday, and I am hoping to get higher than a 65% like I did on the first one. (Although, when I corrected it I got up to a 78%.)

A Cycle.

"i seem to go through one every now and again.

right now i'm kind of at a point where i don't quite feel myself

and things are slightly different than they were before.

maybe it's the change in weather. maybe it's not.

it causes a slight pain. my soul cringes to adjust once more.

it longs for the past.

it yearns for the future.

in order

to find it's self,

content,

in the present."

~Nicole Tucker

Oh how true this is for me. Possibly even for everyone.

Emotional. Wreck.

WARNING: The post below is full of personal feelings and opinions that may be surprising or hurtful. Feel free to not read it; I mostly just wrote it for my sake to get these things off of my mind.

Disclaimer: You have been forewarned. Therefore, I am not responsible for any hurt feelings that could possibly result from the following words.

---

Oh please, not this again. Why am I crying? Someone please tell me, because I honestly don't know. At the end of last school year this happened too. I thought I was over it. I started feeling all depressed all the time. And I started crying for no apparent reason. Why must it happen again? I can't think of many things not going well in my life, and the few things I wish would change are countered by the many good things. We can't all have everything we want, and I've accepted that...

My subconscious, on the other hand, hasn't.

---

I wish there was someone I could talk to about all of this, but I just feel so alone. I have a large family, and a lot of friends, but I think about them and feel like I'm not connected enough to any of them for them to understand. I feel like I have hundreds of good friends, but, when it comes to BEST friends, I feel like

I. Have. None.

I don't know who all is going to read this, but if you are somewhat offended that I don't think of you as a best friend then think for a second...

-how much do we hang out?

-how much do we really tell each other?

-how much do we laugh together?

-how much do we act like best friends?

There are always those friendship things that say things like "A good friend will do that, But a best friend will do this." I read those and think, "That is so true! ...but how come that doesn't happen for me?"

Maybe I'm being a little bit of a downer. There are a few people who are probably considered on the border-line of good and best friends, they're really close. And I have a few friends that I have considered "best" in the past... but things have changed.

I have changed.

I promise it's not your fault. It's all me. (Geez, I feel like I'm breaking up with someone or something...) I hate change, but it happens.

---

I really suck at this... this 'missing people' thing. I miss Matt, heck, I even miss Rachel! (And I never really cared all that much about her leaving in the first place.) I also miss a certain Rees. He is my brother's friend who is also on a mission. A couple years ago I had a crush on him, I felt that I was over it though. Last night I had this dream, and he was in it. (It wasn't necessarily about him, he was just in it.) That dream made me realize that I MISS HIM. And I honestly don't know why I am sharing all of this personal stuff online, and yet I am. Oh well. I think missing people is one of the reasons I cry, though I'm not sure (hence why I said I don't know why I'm crying).

---

Maybe I'm overbooked.

Maybe that is the cause to all my problems.

Maybe I could drop something.

But what would that make me? A quitter. I'm not a quitter. I'm Elizabeth. I sing. I swim. I play water polo. I play the piano and the cello. I am in JIVE. These are

WHO I AM

Quitting would just be throwing away all that I am and all that I have ever worked for. No. I refuse to do that just so I have more time to hang out with so-called friends, or so I am less snippity around my family. Honestly, I don't care. We all have to deal with problems. If it just so happens that I am your problem, then too bad. Deal with it. Deal with me.

---

Will it ever get better?

Will I ever be normal?

Will I ever stop feeling like this?

Yes. No. Yes.

It will get better. When? I have no idea.

I won't be normal. In fact, I don't think normal even exists; everyone is unique (aka, their own kind of weird).

I felt like this before, and it stopped. So this will stop again. If it will come back again, I know not. But it probably will, and when it does I will just deal with it.

There is only one thing left to do.

PRAY.

My Day in a Nutshell.

I woke up around 10. (I would've slept longer, but my dad was leaving, and I needed to be in charge.) My dad took my little brothers to the "City of Rocks." (Sounds exciting, huh?) My mom was already gone to "Super Saturday" doing crafts with a bunch of other ladies. My little sisters Hannah and Leah were hanging out with the neighbor kids and their cousins back and forth between our house and theirs. I don't even know what Becca was up to. What did I do? Next to nothing. Fun.

Wait! I cleaned my room. Sorta. It went from having one pile of stuff to about twenty piles of stuff. Doesn't sound like I cleaned it? Well, the one pile was this huge mass that covered my entire floor, and the twenty piles only include about two things each and are scattered around everywhere. Technically there are no and were never any piles. Saying the word "piles" just makes it sound more organized. The point: my room is cleaner than it was before.

Gertie's. A few of my friends and I went to Gertie's. Can you say hecka fun?! We totally flirted with/annoyed these two waiter guys. It was a blast. :D

Dance. Not nearly as fun as Gertie's, in fact, not even close. It mostly consisted of me walking around looking for someone to dance with/talk to/stand awkwardly by. Humpphhh. Oh well!

Mi hermano mayor.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. WHY?! Ughh... I miss my older brother so much! I know Matthew, a.k.a. Elder Ashby, is serving the Lord doing what he is supposed to do, but I just miss him! I don't know if I can wait over 600 more days to see him again. :( I know this isn't my 'spiritual blog,' but on my brother's last email he included his testimony, and I wanted to share it here.

"This church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not just an organized group of people following Christ in the way they feel is correct, nor is it just a church that is led by inspired men that encourage everyone to do good and to follow Christ. This Church literally is the Church that is led by Jesus Christ and it is His. He established it and continues to lead it today. That is one thing that I love saying to people we talk to on the street when they say that they´re Catholic or Evangelical or Jehovah´s Witnesses, because then we can say 'Somos de la Iglesia de Jesucristo' or 'We´re from the Church of Jesus Christ' or 'We´re from Jesus Christ´s Church.' Its just like, how can anyone say anything to counter that? Its like we acknowledge their church, but say (just by saying the name of the Church) 'Yeah your church may be good, but ours is the Church of Jesus Christ... So which do you think is the right church?' Its just super perfect."

I love Matt so much! He was my favorite brother, and he is the one member of my family that I really connected to. With him gone I feel somewhat alone. I feel like there is no reason for me to be home, and I don't like being at home. I'd rather be alone then with my family, which didn't used to be. I email him every week, and I'm so glad that he is bringing the gospel to the people of Mendoza, Argentina, but I still miss him a whole bunch.

Elevator Goes Up...

Wow, this week has been intense. Good and bad. Up and down. I've been physically and emotionally exhausted, completely hyper and insane, calm and peaceful. Am I bipolar? ...I don't think so... just a teenage girl with a lot going on. I think I'm gonna mix things up a bit. Instead of writing paragraph after paragraph of what's going on in my life I think I'll just do an "ABC's of the Week" sorta thing. So here it goes!

-A is for Allergies. Ughh. I have never in my life had allergies until the beginning of this summer. Now I constantly get itchy eyes and I sneeze all the time! I hate it! And at our swim team spaghetti feed Friday night my allergies were horrible. My eyes were bright red and really puffy. People said I looked like I was going to die. I believed it because I felt like I was going to die. My eyes are still kinda puffy, but they are mostly better.

-B is for Bobby pins. Okay, so, funny story: I had this substitute teacher in English. One girl walked into the class and said "Does anyone have a bobby pin?" The sub said "Bobby pin? Honey, they don't sell those anymore!" Apparently bobby pins were very popular like 60 years ago, and they used them to curl hair. The substitute demonstrated how they did it on my hair. It was slightly strange. Okay, maybe a little more than slightly.

-C is for Calculators and the many mysterious apps which they hold. Call me a nerd. I don't care. I am one. But this past week I was totally messing around on my calculator and discovering new apps and such. Some of them are quite entertaining. :D

-D is for Dogs barking and freaking me put at 5 in the morning. On Tuesday and Thursday morning I went swimming at 5:30 AM. On Tuesday I walked outside and there was this dog. Sitting there. I walked over to my car and then the dog started barking and snarling at me. Freaky. And then on Thursday my friend Sarah (who went swimming with me) called me saying that her dogs were barking outside, and they wouldn't stop. Just the night before we had been discussing how there is someone terrorizing her neighborhood, so she was freaked out. And her being freaked out freaked me out as well.

-E is for Eating a bagel in my car as I rush to 6th period. On Friday I wasn't going to be home between school and swimming because I had a piano lesson right after school, so I texted my mom and asked her to bring me my goggles, which I had forgotten at home. She said she had just barely left the house, so she asked if I could just come home at lunch and get them; she said she could have lunch ready for me. I replied "Okay, sounds great." When I arrive at home, however, my mom isn't there. Needing to leave for school in less than 15 minutes I text her wondering where she is. I then receive a text from her saying "So what's the plan? Are you coming or not?" I was confused, so I called her. Apparently she didn't realize that her inbox was full, so she didn't get my last couple messages, so she was on her way home from running errands, and I had no lunch. My mom said she'd be home in 2 minutes and then could make me a quick lunch. I frustratingly responded that I needed to leave in less than 2 minutes, but I waited. When she got home she made me a bagel sandwich, and I hurriedly ate in in my car on the way to school. I was late for 6th period. Almost 10 minutes late. Swell. But whatever.

-F is for Failing tests. This was totally the worst possible test-taking week for me ever in my life. 95% of tests I have taken in my life I have received A's on. But not this past week. Last Friday I had a Calculus test that I was sure I failed, when I received my test back, however, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I received a 65%! Wahoo! I didn't fail! I only almost failed. :D I also received a 77% (which then got bumped up to an 80%) on a history test. And then, on a chemistry test that I found extraordinarily easy while taking, I got an 81%. A low B. Really? I have a feeling that it will be very difficult for me to keep as high a GPA as I would like to this school year.

-G is for General Conference. :D :D :D This happens to be what I am watching this very second! I absolutely love listening to the talks of the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you would like to read more of my input on these talks it will soon be on my other blog, here.

-H is for Homework and lack of completing it. You think I would have learned my lesson last year when I received my first B in a class due to lack of homework-doing, but apparently not. I'm already getting back into the habit of not doing homework. It's because of business, tiredness, and procrastination(ness?). I should probably start doing homework more regularly since my test grades obviously won't be enough to keep my grades up (as they have been in past years).

-I is for Intense swimming workouts and dance routines. You know, with all the exercise (and sweating) I have been doing lately, I had better sure as heck start losing weight! I already have noticed strengthen of muscles, but that's not what I want! I want to lose this big bubble of fat-stuffs stuck on my stomach. >:P It is so unflattering.

-J is for JIVE! Oh wow, I am so glad that I am in Jive. It is the most fun I have had in quite some time. Sure, it's a lot of work. Sure, it takes up a whole lot of time. Sure, it feels as if I have sold my soul in order to be in it. But who cares?! I. LOVE. IT. :D

-K is for Kendall. Haha, that boy is one funny boy. He always tells me everything. And then I tell someone something he told me, and he says, "See?! This is why I don't tell you anything!" Then I say, "But you do tell me everything!" And then he gets all quiet and says, "...I know, but I won't anymore!" And then the next day, guess what? He's telling me something again. :D Man, do I love that kid. He's one of my bestest friends.

-L is for Love (or at least the teenage equivalent of it). I find high school relationships very entertaining. People are like "I love you" one week, and then the next they are like "I hate you." If you honestly loved them, you wouldn't hate them the next week. Yeah, people get crushes (even I'm not exempt from that), but having "relationships" is not necessary until you are at least graduated, I think. Being in high school is the time to meet people to find qualities you would like in someone that you will date someday. It's a time to flirt, have fun. If you are in a relationship it is like building a wall so you are no longer to flirt and have fun! And if you continue to flirt, it will only make you feel guilty (unless of course you are heartless, as some people are).

-M is for Meth/Mell. Dear people (by the way, I know who at least one of you is) who wrote "Meth" on my car. Really? That's immature. And I knew it said Meth. The only reason I asked you if you wrote "Mell" on my car is because it somewhat looked like that is what it said, I had a somewhat legitimate reason for it to say that, and I knew you would laugh and look at me like I was stupid if you really had been the one who wrote Mell on my car. So yeah. If I just asked if you had written Meth you may have lied and I would still not know. But now I do know. The End.

-N is for Noodles (aka Spaghetti). I like spaghetti. And swim team. And swim team spaghetti feeds. Even when my eyes are puffy. At spaghetti feeds our team bonds and grows together. Their my favorite part about swim team! That and oatmeal carmelitas. ;)

-O is for One Direction. So I was YouTube music searching last night and I saw this song "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. Love, love, love that song. Love, love, love that band. (The fact that all the members of the band are extremely attractive teenage boys only helps. And they have British accents. Yum.) I love the song, but I don't agree with it. It says "You don't know yo're beautiful, but that's what makes you beautiful." I think that girls who know who they are and know that they are beautiful are more beautiful because they have a glow in their eyes. But other than that little flaw, the song is incredible.

-P is for Piano improvisations. I have always wished I could improv... and now in my piano lessons that is what I'm learning! I'm still not all that great at it, but I'm getting better! Before long I'll be able to improv song that I may not have even been able to sightread! (And sightreading is my forte!) I'm so excited. :D

-Q is for Quartets (barbershop). On Tuesday for choir we went up to Boise to a barbershop quartet concert for a high school barbershop workshop. It was so fun. It was fun mingling with choir members that are now my friends, and it was fun on the bus ride, and it was fun at the concert. I pretty much fell in love with every single boy that sang. Wow. They were incredible.

-R is for Rachel. WHY MUST EVERYONE CALL ME RACHEL?!?! Haha, Teagan Savage has been calling me Rachel because she knew my sister (Rachel) really well and apparently I look a lot like her. And now a bunch of people are calling me Rachel as a joke because they know that isn't my name, but then some people who don't know my name assume that my name really is Rachel, and it is somewhat obnoxious. :P

-S is for Sesame Street spoofs.

This rocks.

This next one isn't as great, but I love it at 1:11 (Keep in mind that the puppet is supposed to be Justin Bieber.)

-T is for Thinking I saw a mouse in the freezer. Eww. I opened the freezer and heard little mouse-sounding clicky noises. I thought nothing of it. But then I saw something move in the back. I screamed. No mouse has been found. Everyone is making fun of me. Not cool.

-U is for 'U is.' This is a quote from my Calculus professor. Haha. "You is!" Sounds smart, doesn't it? U was a variable and so he would always say "U is this" and "U is that." Maybe I'm just easily entertained, but I found it very entertaining.

-V is for Varying emotions. As you can probably see from how some of these topics have been happy and some have been not so happy, I have been an emotional roller-coaster. It's like the song "Elevator" by David Archuleta.

I had a dream last night
I didn't know which floor to get off on, hey
The doors, they opened on 4 and 5 and 6
And you were gone, all gone

I didn't understand
I didn't wanna know
At least I took a chance
I had to let it go

Elevator goes up
Elevator come down
And you just go with the flow
Until your feet are back on the ground
It's an endless ride
Sometimes it takes you up
Sometimes it tears you down inside
But it's the butterflies
That keep you feeling so alive, so alive
You gotta get back that high

And in my dream last night
The doors they finally shut and I was there, somewhere
Alone in my reality inside an empty box
That's filled with air
But I don't care, no

Next time I'll get it right
Next time I'll be okay
I'll have a different dream tonight
Tomorrow's another day

Elevator goes up
Elevator come down
And you just go with the flow
Until your feet are back on the ground
It's an endless ride
Sometimes it takes you up
Sometimes it tears you down inside
But it's the butterflies
That keep you feeling so alive, so alive
You gotta get back that high

You'll never know
What you're gonna get
What you don't expect will come and find you
If you laugh or cry
If you run and hide
But it's all right

Elevator goes up
Elevator come down
And you just go with the flow
Until your feet are back on the ground
It's an endless ride
Sometimes it takes you up
Sometimes it tears you down inside
But it's the butterflies
That keep you feeling so alive, so alive
You gotta get back that high

-W is for Wishes. I like wishes. This doesn't have anything to do with what happened in the last week... I just felt like wishes was a good W word to use. :)

-X is for absolutely nothing.

-Y is for Yoyaknowyouyoyeahyoyouyonikonoyo. This is somewhat hard to explain. So I won't. Haha, have fun wondering what the heck this is about!

-Z is for Zippy! Me. Elizabeth. Yeah. :D

For those of you who actually read this entire post. Thank you for your support! Now maybe you should go do something worthwhile. :P The end. :)