Make People Cry by Singing? Check.

Today we had Jive solo auditions.  Along with a group number with Natalie and Maddie, I sang a solo.  It was Ronan by Taylor Swift.  I knew I was going to tear up while singing it, but I was thankfully able to keep myself composed enough to be able to sing well, but my emotions did show.  When I finished singing and was brought back to reality, I noticed that I had made almost every single person in the room cry.  Some more than others.  I have never done that before.  And there were these two girls who asked me what the song was called because they wanted to buy it, but then they looked it up on YouTube and decided they preferred me to Taylor Swift.  And so they asked if they could record me singing it.  I was so flattered, and awestruck.  This stuff never happens to me, and yet it is.  I really hope I get that solo in Winter Showcase.  I love making people cry.  Okay, that sounded weird... but you get what I mean.

Sandy Hook

My heart broke when I heard of the Sandy Hook shootings.

This post is in remembrance of all the victims of this cruel act of violence.

I cried as I put this post together.

Charlotte Bacon, 6  Charlotte was sweet, outgoing and full of energy, her grandmother told CNN affiliate WCCO in Minnesota.  "This is tough. This is surreal. You can't believe this could happen," Irene Hagen told the network. "The whole family is just devastated and we're all trying to come to terms with it."  She said her granddaughter loved school and dresses. Her hair was a mass of beautiful red curls.  "It's horrible. It's really horrible," Hagen told WCCO. "It's hard to believe that someone would kill children, innocent children."

Rachel D'Avino, 29  She likely didn't know it when she died, but her best friend was about to propose.  He had recently asked Rachel's parents for permission, and he was planning to ask for her hand in marriage on Christmas Eve.  That and other details about Rachel's life were described in an obituary posted on the website of Munson-Lovetere Funeral Homes of Connecticut.  "Her presence and tremendous smile brightened any room she entered," it read.  Born in Waterbury, Rachel received her undergraduate degree from the University of Hartford and her Masters from Post University. She was working toward her Doctorate at the University of St. Joseph of Hartford.  Rachel loved karate, cooking, animals, photography and her two younger siblings.  "Her passion, however, was her occupation as a behavioral therapist working with children within the autism spectrum," the obituary read.  In lieu of flowers, it asked that donations be made to Autism Speaks, an advocay organization.

Olivia Engel, 6  Her favorite stuffed animal was a lamb; pink and purple were her favorite colors.  Olivia's family posted a statement on Facebook with those and other details about their beloved daughter.  "She was insightful for her age and had a great sense of humor. She laughed a lot and always lit up a room including the people around her. She was very creative and was always drawing and designing things," her family said.  Olivia took art and dance lessons, played tennis, soccer and swam. She was involved in Girl Scouts and musical theater. She loved school and did well in math and reading.  Her family described her as a "grateful child ... never greedy." Each night, Olivia led grace at the dinner table.

Dylan Hockley, 6  "To know him was to love him," Dylan's grandmother told the Boston Herald about her grandson.  Dylan loved video games, jumping on a trampoline, watching movies and munching garlic bread, she said. He had dimples, blue eyes and "the most mischievous little grin," Theresa Moretti told the newspaper.  She said her daughter and son-in-law moved to Connecticut from England and chose to live where they did because of the schools. Dylan had an older brother.  "He was an angel," Moretti told the Herald. "And I think that's now why he's in heaven."

Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung, 47  Hochsprung, who became Sandy Hook Elementary School's principal two years ago, was "really nice and very fun, but she was also very much a tough lady in the right sort of sense," friend Tom Prunty said. And the students loved her. "Even little kids know when someone cares about them, and that was her," Prunty said.  "I never saw her without a smile," said Aimee Seaver, mother of a first-grader.  Hochsprung lived in Woodbury, Connecticut, with her husband, two daughters and three stepdaughters.  The longtime career educator majored in special education for her bachelor's and master's degrees in the 1990s and had just entered the Ph.D. program at Esteves School of Education at the Sage Colleges in New York last summer. Hochsprung led a school district's strategic planning panel and was the recipient of a national school grant.  Her accomplishments included overseeing the installation of a new security system requiring every visitor to ring the front entrance's doorbell after the school doors locked at 9:30 a.m.  "My mom, Dawn Hochsprung, was taken tragically from me. But she went down in a blaze of glory that truly represents who she was," her daughter, Cristina Hassinger, tweeted.

Jesse Lewis, 6  Jesse loved math, riding horses and playing at his mom's farm, his father told the New York Post.  "He was just a happy boy," said Neil Heslin. "Everybody knew Jesse."  He told the newspaper his son was to make gingerbread houses at school Friday. Heslin was planning to help.  Instead, the last time he saw his son was when he dropped him off at school at 9 a.m.  "He was going to go places in life," Heslin told the Post.

Ana Marquez-Greene, 6  "1, 2, 3, ready and go," Ana counts down in a homemade video provided to CNN affiliate WTIC.  The girl in pigtails stands in front of a piano as her brother plays. Her voice is clear, bigger than her size. Ana smiles and waves.  Her father, Jimmy Greene, is a jazz musician. His representative released a statement on Ana's death, describing the little girl as "beautiful and vibrant."  "The family has requested privacy at this time of heartbreaking loss," it read. They "have asked us to relay their sincere gratitude for the outpouring of support and sympathy locally, nationally and internationally."

Grace McDonnell, 7  The ultimate "girly girl." Grace loved wearing pink and playing dress-up with jewelry, her grandmother told the Boston Herald.  As Mary Ann McDonnell spoke, she was surrounded by Christmas presents meant for Grace, Gracie, as she was sometimes called.  The little girl loved art, gymnastics, soccer and her small spaniel, Puddin', her grandmother said.  "She was a wonderful little girl. She was always smiling," McDonnell told the newspaper. "I think everybody should know about these beautiful children whose lives were cut short."

Anne Marie Murphy, 52  A hero. That's how a first responder reportedly described Murphy to her father.  He told Newsday that authorities told him her body was found in a classroom, covering young children killed in the shooting in an apparent attempt to shield them.  "She died doing what she loved. She was serving children and serving God," Murphy's mother, Alice McGowan, told the newspaper.  A married mother of four, Murphy was artistic and hardworking, her parents said.  "She was a happy soul," her mother told Newsday. "She was a very good daughter, a good mother, a good wife."

Emilie Parker, 6  She could "light up a room," Emilie's father said about his oldest daughter.  Robbie Parker described her as "bright, creative and very loving." Emilie was always willing to try new things, he said, except food. Her laugh was infectious.  "My daughter Emilie would be one of the first ones to be standing up and giving her love and support to all of those victims, because that is the type of person she is," said Parker.  He said she was "an exceptional artist and she always carried around her markers and pencils so she never missed an opportunity to draw a picture or make a card for someone."  "This world is a better place because she has been in it," Parker said.  Emilie's aunt described her niece as the "sweetest little girl I've ever known."  The family is devastated that "someone so beautiful and perfect is no longer going to be in our lives and for no reason," said Jill Cottle Garrett.  Emilie's father, who works as a physician's assistant in the newborn unit at the Danbury hospital, recalled his last conversation with his daughter was in Portuguese, a language he was teaching her.  "She said that she loved me, and I gave her a kiss and I was out the door," he said.

Noah Pozner, 6  "He had a huge heart and he was so much fun, a little bit rambunctious, lots of spirit," Noah's aunt told CNN. "He was really the light of the room."  Victoria Haller said her nephew loved playing with his cousins and siblings, especially his twin sister.  "He was a gorgeous, gorgeous boy and he could really get what he wanted just by batting those long eyelashes and looking at you with those big blue eyes. You really couldn't say no to him," she said.  His siblings don't know yet the exact way in which Noah passed away, Haller said.  "How do you tell them that's how their brother died?" she asked. "It's the unthinkable really."

Jessica Rekos, 6  Jessica loved everything about horses -- horse movies, horse books, drawing horses and writing stories about them.  She asked Santa this year for new cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat. Her family had promised she could get her own horse when she turned 10.  "She was a creative, beautiful, little girl," her family said in a statement, describing Jessica as their "rock."  "She had an answer for everything, she didn't miss a trick, and she outsmarted us every time. We called her our little CEO for the way she carefully thought out and planned everything," they said. "We can not imagine our life without her."  Jessica also loved orca whales and playing with her two little brothers.  "We are mourning her loss, sharing our beautiful memories we have of her, and trying to help her brother Travis understand why he can't play with his best friend," her family said.

Lauren Rousseau, 30  Rousseau, a permanent substitute teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary, "wanted to be a teacher from before she even went to kindergarten," her mother said in a written statement Saturday. "We will miss her terribly and will take comfort knowing that she had achieved that dream," Teresa Rousseau said.  She grew up in Danbury, Connecticut, and earned a bachelor's degree from the University of Connecticut and a master's degree in elementary education from the University of Bridgeport.  Rousseau "worked as a substitute teacher in Danbury, New Milford and Newtown before she was hired in November as a permanent substitute teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown," her mother said.

Mary Sherlach, 56  Sherlach, Sandy Hook Elementary's school psychologist, was with Hochsprung when they heard a "pop, pop, pop" sound around 9:30 a.m., a parent with both women at the time told CNN. Sherlach was shot to death after heading into the hall to find out what was happening.  "I ... am always ready to assist in problem-solving, intervention and prevention," Sherlach wrote on her website.  Sherlach earned her undergraduate degree in psychology at SUNY Cortland and a master's degree at Southern Connecticut State University. She worked as a rehabilitation assistant at a group home for disabled adults and as a community mental health placement specialist before becoming a school psychologist.  She worked in three Connecticut school systems before moving to Sandy Hook Elementary in 1994. During her time in Newtown, Sherlach kept busy as a member of numerous groups such as the district conflict resolution committee, safe school climate committee, crisis intervention team and student instructional team.  Sherlach and her husband for more than three decades lived in Trumbull, Connecticut, and, together, they were "proud parents" of two daughters in their late 20s. Her website listed her interests as gardening, reading and going to the theater.

Victoria Soto, 27  Soto, a first-grade teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary, moved her students away from the classroom door when she heard gunfire, which students initially "thought were hammers falling," according to the father of one of her students.  "That's when the gunman burst in, did not say a word, no facial expressions, and proceeded to shoot their teacher," said Robert Licata, whose 6-year-old son, Aiden, escaped by running past the shooter.  Soto's mother said her daughter was selfless.  "She would not hesitate to think to save anyone else before herself and especially children. She loved them more than life, and she would definitely put herself in front of them any day," Donna Soto told CNN's Piers Morgan.  Soto wanted to be a teacher since she was 3 and talked about her students with "such fondness and caring," her mother said.  Soto's cousin, James Wiltsie, said Soto "instinctively went into action when a monster came into her classroom and tried to protect the kids that she loved so much."  "We just want the public to know that Vicki was a hero," he said.  Soto had a dog she loved. The black lab Roxie spent Saturday wandering around Soto's apartment, apparently looking for her, relatives.

Daniel Barden, 7  Daniel earned his missing two front teeth, his family used to say.  His "fearless" pursuit of happiness and life also earned him ripped jeans.  "Despite that, he was, as his mother said, 'Just So Good,' " his family wrote in a statement published in the New Haven Register.  Taking after his musician dad, he and his siblings -- brother James and sister Natalie -- formed a band, in which he played drums.  He loved to ride waves at the beach and make s'mores around bonfires with his cousins.  "He embodied everything that is wholesome and innocent in the world," the family said.

Josephine Gay, 7  Josephine has just celebrated her seventh birthday Tuesday.  There's a picture of her on the Web, published in various news stories, that shows her smiling with glasses on the tip of her nose.  Josephine liked to ride her bike and sell lemonade in her neighborhood in the summer, The Wall Street Journal Reported.  The little girl loved the color purple.

Madeleine Hsu, 6  Sweet.  Unique.  Bright.  Determined.  Sparking.  Those are words Madeleine's family used to describe their little girl.  "She was an avid reader who loved running and dancing," they said.  "She was a born leader."

Catherine Hubbard, 6  A Facebook page honoring Catherine spoke of how the elementary-schooler is now an angel.  "Such a beautiful little soul," the post read, saying the family's loss is heaven's gain.  "God bless you all that you be strengthened, we are with you, and your suffering will remain in our prayers.

Chase Kowalski, 7  What Chase really wanted for Christmas was two front teeth.  "I saw him two days ago, and I asked him if he wanted to see Santa, and he told me that he wanted his teeth back, and it was really sweet," Chase's neighbor Keeley Baumann, 13, told the News-Times newspaper.  At 6, he completed his first triathlon, but that was just one of his pursuits.  He loved baseball.  He was in the Cub Scouts.  He looked forward to the kids' workshop at the local Home Depot.  "We are thankful to the Lord for giving us seven years with out beautiful loving son.  It is with heavy hearts that we return him," the family said in an obituary.

James Mattioli, 6  As he was quick to remind everyone, James was 6 and 3/4.  "He loved to wear shorts and T-shirts in any weather and grab the gel to spike his hair," his family said in a loving obituary.  "He would often sing at the top of his lungs, and once asked, 'How old do I have to be to sing on a stage?' "  Indoors, he spent his time playing games on the iPad -- especially the lawn mowing one.  Outdoors, he loved to dive off the diving board, "swim like a fish" in his grandfather's pool and ride his bike -- without training wheels, mind you.  "I need to go outside, Mom.  I need fresh air," he would often say.  He was born four weeks early -- because he was hungry, his family joked.  James had a voracious appetite.  His favorite?  His dad's egg omelets with bacon, and his mom's French toast.  He looked up to his older sister, wanting to do everything she could.  "They were the best of friends, going to school together, playing games together, and making endless drawings and crafts together."  The boy, whose family fondly called "J," will be incredibly missed, they said.

Jack Pinto, 6  Jack was a first-grader, and his interests ran the gamut -- baseball, basketball, wrestling, snow skiing.  But his first love was football, and his idol was New York Giants star receiver Victor Cruz.  Cruz paid tribute to the team's young fan by scribbling "Jack Pinto.  My Hero" on one of his cleats and "R.I.P. Jack Pinto" on the other during the team's game with the Atlanta Falcons over the weekend.  On his glove, Cruz wrote, "Jack Pinto.  This one is 4 U!"  Jack recently participated in his first wrestling match and won a medal, according to the president  of the New Milford Wrestling Association.  "In life and in death, Jack will forever be remembered for the immeasurable joy he brought to all who had the pleasure of knowing him, a joy whose wide reach belied his six short years," Jack's family wrote in an obituary for the little boy.

Caroline Previdi, 6  "You were a sweet little girl and you will be missed."  That's the message that Caroline's aunt reportedly tweeted, saying goodbye to her niece, according to the online version of the Press-Telegram in Long Beach, California.  "It hurts even more to see a familiar name on that list," the report said Paige Tremblay also tweeted.  A Facebook page called "RIP Caroline Previdi -- Sandy Hook Massacre Victim" contains dozens of messages.  One reads:  "Rest in Peace, sweetheart.  I know for sure that God is with you and all the other sweet little angels.  I feel so very sorry for all these families who lost their precious kids, my heart goes out to all of you."

Avielle Ruchman, 6  Avielle was happiest when she was on a horse.  Her trainer, Annette Sullivan, told the Conneticut Post that Avielle would "giggle when she trotted."  Like kids her age, her first loose tooth was a sign she was growing up.  "She showed me her wiggly tooth, she was so excited," Sullivan told the newspaper.  "She was the most delightful little girl you ever met in your life."

Benjamin Wheeler, 6  Ben loved The Beatles, lighthouses and the No. 7 train to Sunnyside, Queens, his family said in a statement.  He and his older brother Nate "filled the house with the noise of four children."  "Ben Wheeler was an irrepressibly bright and spirited boy whose love of fun and excitement at the wonders of life and the world could rarely be contained.  his rush to experience life was headlong, creative, and immediate," his family said.  Ben loved soccer and swimming, recently her performed at a piano recital -- a major feat for a little boy who rarely sat still.  Friday morning before school, he told his mom:  "I still want to be an architect, but I also want to be a paleontologist, because that's what Nate is going to be, and I want to do everything Nate does."  Ben, Nate, and their parents, Francine and David Wheeler, moved to Newtown in 2007.  Francine Wheeler is a music teacher and performer.  David Wheeler is an illustrator and designer.  On Sunday, Francine Wheeler's band posted the following message on its Facebook page:  "With heavy hearts, we inform you of our saddest news:  Francine Wheeler, a founding member of The Dream Jam Band, has lost her precious 6-year old son, Ben, to the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  Our prayers and love go out to Francine, David, and Ben's big brother, Nate."

Allison Wyatt, 6  Allison was a shy and quiet little girl, and incredibly sweet, several reports said.  "I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little girl," someone wrote on a Facebook page in Allison's name.  "My heart grieves; as a parent, I know it is not something you can ever be prepared for."

For my music post Monday today I dedicated this song to everyone affected by the Sandy Hook shooting.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/15/sandy-hook-shooting-victims-names_n_2307354.html

http://www.ksbw.com/news/List-of-Connecticut-school-shooting-victims/-/1852/17791958/-/item/14/-/l6sjoc/-/index.html
http://www.businessinsider.com/morgan-freeman-sandy-hook-hoax-2012-12

Quite Possibly the Worst Day Ever

• This morning I woke up late but still needed to finish my English homework.  (I did get it finished, though.)
• My mom made pancakes, but by the time I got downstairs there was no more syrup or powdered sugar.
• When I went to print out my paper the printer wouldn't work, so I had to open my paper on a different computer connected to a different printer.
• Because I left late, I was late to school.
• When I got to school I realized that I had forgotten my calculator and English binder at home.
• Because of my lack of calculator, I couldn't do most of my Calculus and Physics work in class... and today was a day when she actually gave us time in class to do our work... as in like the entire class period-worth.  So I was pretty much pointless.
• When I was in line for lunch, the food in my line ran out right as I was up to get food.  Like no joke. I was the next person in line.  And I didn't have enough time to get into a different line... so I just bought a milk and ate Maddie's carrots.  (Thank you Maddie.)
• I was informed that when you pass out while giving blood they take the needle out right away.  And if you weren't done then they can't use your blood.  So they throw it away.  So I wasted my time, blood, and energy giving blood.  I didn't even save three lives like I originally thought I had. :(  I feel so useless.
• I was in such a bad mood that I couldn't concentrate in Chamber Singers, and Mr. Casperson kept making comments towards the alto section about not paying attention.  I knew he was referring to me.
• After school I checked the MVSPA page on Facebook to see if they had posted parts.  I knew Ursula was between me and one other girl.  She got it.  I'm the understudy.  I don't mean to sound like a diva, but I'm now not going to do the play.  I know being the understudy is a better part than I could have gotten, but if I had actually gotten the part I would have made time for it... but understudy isn't worth my already over-crammed time.  Oh, not to mention, everyone said I would get the part because I'm a senior, but I lost it to a freshman (or maybe she's a sophomore... frankly, I don't really care).
• I'm in charge at home, and my little neighbor boy wanted to play with my little sister, and I said yes, but then his mom had to leave, but she said she'd be back before I had to leave to go to swim team, so I said he could stay.  And then my dad came home and had to take my older little siblings to piano, and since I would have to leave before he was back he had to take my younger little siblings too.  And then he realized there was an extra child at our house, and this child's mother wasn't home.  So he took him in the car to piano too... after yelling at me for having him stay over when his mom wasn't home.
• And I've felt like crying all day long.
• So now I am crying as I type this.

Well... see?  It just wasn't really the best day. :(  Maybe swim team and water polo will make the day better...?

Never Forget

We watched a video in government.

I cried.

It went farther into depth than anything I've ever watched.

It's definitely the saddest thing that has happened in my lifetime.

Never forget.

9/11

Only Watch if You are Prepared to Cry

I cried every time I watched it.

Which was like 10 times.

The Best Girls' Camp Ever

My last time at camp.
And the best time at camp.
There is so much to say, I just hope I can fit most of it in a blog post.
But there is absolutely no way you will be able to comprehend the greatness of camp just through this one blog post.

~~~

Monday:  We YCLs went rafting.  It was so fun.  It was a little easy than I expected it to be.  I wish the rapids had been a little bigger, but it was hecka great nonetheless.  Then we went to camp.  And while at camp we did our toenails.  There were these cute little toenail sticker thingys, so my toes are supes cute.  Silver with pink.  They look like I am just a supes talented nail painter.  Supes.

Tuesday:  The other girls showed up.  I met my girls.  I was in charge of the 3rd years with Hannah, Emilee, and Kayla.  The 3rd year girls were fantastic!  All 20 of them were amazing!  I loved each and every one of them!  One of the girl's name was Natalie, and she was supes cool.  AND apparently her brother is on a mission in Chile... and he is David Archuleta's mission companion.  And pretty much, Natalie loved me.  So she is writing her brother and giving him my address and was going to ask if Elder Archuleta cuold write me a letter.  And apparently Natalie is pretty sure David WOULD write it.  And so most likely I am going to be getting a letter from David Archuleta.  EEEEP!!!!  :D  It's supes exciting!!  (Sorry about saying supes so much... that was one of the things I was doing at girls' camp... saying supes.  So I figured I'd say it while talking about girls' camp.)  And when I told my parents I might get a letter from David Archuleta they started arguing like I was actually dating him or something.  Awkward... haha!  And my mom mentioned that I might marry him... which was hilarious. :)

Wednesday:  The Walk with Christ.  It was so amazing.  I stayed at my one station and sang the same song six times, and you think that would get boring, but no.  Each time the spirit got stronger and stronger, and I was crying by the end.  And the girls who were sharing personal experiences and bearing their testimonies got more and more spiritual too.  It was so amazing.

Thursday:  The hike.  Oh poo.  They said it was 5 miles, but it was 8.  AND the entire 4 mile way back I had to poo.  Let's just say... I'm usually that last person finished with a hike, but that time I was the 4th.  I was booking it back to camp.  That hike didn't kill my legs or anything, it was just exhausting on my lungs.  Later that night we had testimony meeting.  I was one of the last to bear my testimony and I was bawling the whole time.  And then I was bawling afterwards as well.  I bawled for 3 hours straight.  I only stopped when I threw up from bawling so much.  Yup.

Friday:  We went home.  That's pretty much it.

~~~

I'm going to miss my girls so much!  I loved every single one of them.  ♥  I just hope they realize how much I love them.  There was also this one girl, Lexi, who loved me.  She wasn't even one of my girls!  But whenever she would see someone she would tell them something about me or ask if they could tell me something.  She was so cute.  We even had a 'secret handshake.'  (We would just point at each other with gun fingers and make a cilcking noise with our tongue.)  She is a special girl, and I'm sure she appreciated having me as a friend.  And everyone was so nice to her it was fantastic!

Lexi and me

And our handshake!

TeachersGiveYouWhatYouWantWhenYouBlubber

Don't get me wrong.

I didn't purposely start crying just to get my way!

...I'm just a big baby.

But I deserved to get my way whether I cried or not.

Cuz Mrs. Stanger was being unfair.

Let me explain:
I was gone at All-State.
But before I left, I told Mrs. Stanger I'd be gone.
I was SUPPOSED to turn in a paper on Thursday,
But since I'd be gone she said I could turn it in on Monday.
I still wasn't quite sure how I'd get my two peer edits.
But whatever.
On Saturday, Becca texts me and says Mrs. Stanger called.
Apparently she wanted me to take my paper to her house because it needed to be graded by Monday.
Ummm... I was 600 miles away, and that was NOT gonna happen.
So I show up in class.
She was ticked.
I didn't even have my paper done yet because I still needed my peer edits.
She started chewing me out.
I tried to explain,
But ended up crying.
But eventually I was able to explain it all to her.
And then I turned my paper in during second period.
And it was all good.

~~~

It was super embarrassing.

I've just been really stressed and tired lately.

But now everyone thinks I'm just a loser for crying over an English paper.

Swell.

: /

My Favorite Family

I wish it could always be Jive Week.

I love the people in Jive.
I love the performances.
I love the thrill and the joy.
I love the adrenaline.

Jive is a family.  My family.

~~~

After a week with them you think I'd get tired or annoyed, but no!  It just got better and better, and we got closer and closer.  And then last night was awful.  It was the end.  Our last show.  Half of us are leaving.  I cried.  For an hour straight.  I cried so hard I threw up.  (That was a first.)  But I wasn't crying for me... because I'm going to be in Jive next year.  I was crying for the 13 of us that won't be returning.  The ones that I love and will miss dearly.

I cried for them.

Next year I'll be crying for me.

It'll probably be even worse.

I'm dreading the end of Jive.

~~~

Jive is my life.  The feeling of being up on stage is just so great.  As you know from a previous post, I'm transferring to Twin Falls High School in order to stay in Jive... I told a few of my CRHS friends that last night.  And they knew that it was the right decision even though they'd miss me.  They watched me perform, and they knew that it was what I loved more than anything else in the world.  I love my friends.

During Jr. Jive a few of the little 2nd grade girls came up to me and said "My mommy says you have a pretty voice."  It was so great. :D  And even though the Jr. Jivers performed at the matinee, I saw one of my little girls at last nights evening show too.  And when I was bawling my eyes out she came up to me and gave me a hug and said "You did so good."  It only made me cry harder.  It was so sweet.  And there was this one 8th grade Jr. Jiver who says I am her inspiration.  It made me feel so great!  I even gave her some advice. :D  I felt almost famous!

And this older lady came up to me and told me that she enjoyed the show, and specifically enjoyed watching me because I looked so joyful, and she could tell I gave it my all.

And then another lady told me to never give up on music.  She said I was very blessed and talented and that I should definitely stick with music and go into a career for it.

~~~

Best night ever.

I just wish I wasn't such a baby.

~~~

And we revealed secret Jive friends.  Which was fun.  But I knew that Emilee had me.  She made it rather obvious.  With Subway cookies and "beer" and such.  Silly Emilee!  I had Kiefer.  I gave him mouse traps one day... and it was not a good idea.  But yeah.  Just something to remember.  Don't give teenage boys mouse traps.

~~~

Then Shari's.  It's Jive tradition.  We were there until 1.  But we almost got kicked out around 11:30 because we were trying to make everyone fit around one booth, and it ended with people sitting on walls and climbing over tables.  But yeah.  We had a little Jive-amony meeting at Shari's, but not everyone was there, and not everyone shared.  So we're going to finish it on Tuesday in class. :)

~~~

And I gave him a ride home afterwards. :)  I felt so happy to be alone in a car with him at 1 in the morning.  That sounds bad... but NOTHING HAPPENED.  Though I wish SOMETHING had.  Like... at least a hug!  But I guess I'll just have to accept the "Bye Elizabeth!  Thanks for the ride, love you!"  that I got.  It's better than nothing!  Oh well... I'm 99% sure he doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him anyway.  And he's leaving next year.  :(  But I'll hopefully be able to get over it in time.

~~~

♥ JIVE ♥

Emotional. Wreck.

WARNING: The post below is full of personal feelings and opinions that may be surprising or hurtful. Feel free to not read it; I mostly just wrote it for my sake to get these things off of my mind.

Disclaimer: You have been forewarned. Therefore, I am not responsible for any hurt feelings that could possibly result from the following words.

---

Oh please, not this again. Why am I crying? Someone please tell me, because I honestly don't know. At the end of last school year this happened too. I thought I was over it. I started feeling all depressed all the time. And I started crying for no apparent reason. Why must it happen again? I can't think of many things not going well in my life, and the few things I wish would change are countered by the many good things. We can't all have everything we want, and I've accepted that...

My subconscious, on the other hand, hasn't.

---

I wish there was someone I could talk to about all of this, but I just feel so alone. I have a large family, and a lot of friends, but I think about them and feel like I'm not connected enough to any of them for them to understand. I feel like I have hundreds of good friends, but, when it comes to BEST friends, I feel like

I. Have. None.

I don't know who all is going to read this, but if you are somewhat offended that I don't think of you as a best friend then think for a second...

-how much do we hang out?

-how much do we really tell each other?

-how much do we laugh together?

-how much do we act like best friends?

There are always those friendship things that say things like "A good friend will do that, But a best friend will do this." I read those and think, "That is so true! ...but how come that doesn't happen for me?"

Maybe I'm being a little bit of a downer. There are a few people who are probably considered on the border-line of good and best friends, they're really close. And I have a few friends that I have considered "best" in the past... but things have changed.

I have changed.

I promise it's not your fault. It's all me. (Geez, I feel like I'm breaking up with someone or something...) I hate change, but it happens.

---

I really suck at this... this 'missing people' thing. I miss Matt, heck, I even miss Rachel! (And I never really cared all that much about her leaving in the first place.) I also miss a certain Rees. He is my brother's friend who is also on a mission. A couple years ago I had a crush on him, I felt that I was over it though. Last night I had this dream, and he was in it. (It wasn't necessarily about him, he was just in it.) That dream made me realize that I MISS HIM. And I honestly don't know why I am sharing all of this personal stuff online, and yet I am. Oh well. I think missing people is one of the reasons I cry, though I'm not sure (hence why I said I don't know why I'm crying).

---

Maybe I'm overbooked.

Maybe that is the cause to all my problems.

Maybe I could drop something.

But what would that make me? A quitter. I'm not a quitter. I'm Elizabeth. I sing. I swim. I play water polo. I play the piano and the cello. I am in JIVE. These are

WHO I AM

Quitting would just be throwing away all that I am and all that I have ever worked for. No. I refuse to do that just so I have more time to hang out with so-called friends, or so I am less snippity around my family. Honestly, I don't care. We all have to deal with problems. If it just so happens that I am your problem, then too bad. Deal with it. Deal with me.

---

Will it ever get better?

Will I ever be normal?

Will I ever stop feeling like this?

Yes. No. Yes.

It will get better. When? I have no idea.

I won't be normal. In fact, I don't think normal even exists; everyone is unique (aka, their own kind of weird).

I felt like this before, and it stopped. So this will stop again. If it will come back again, I know not. But it probably will, and when it does I will just deal with it.

There is only one thing left to do.

PRAY.